The Joys of Being a Kid In the Summer

The Joys of Being a Kid In The Summer
Guest Blogger - Sharon Devellis

Every year as summer approaches, I am hopeful and enthusiastic. What fun we'll have! I'll take the boys to the zoo, to the beach, to the museums. We'll play at parks and have picnics. Oh, the memories we'll create. They'll remember this summer as the Greatest! Summer! Ever!

But by about mid-July, having to entertain two young, energetic boys while enduring hot, humid weather meant to be found only in the Amazon jungles and removing sand imbedded in crevices that were clearly intended to be sand-free, my enthusiasm has waned and I'm left yearning for the good old days when doctors handed out valium like candy. There have been summertime days when I would ahve given my left arm for a visit from someone in the Pan family: Cousin Clonazepan, Auntie Lorazepan, Uncle Diazepan.

Last summer was one of the hottest summers on record, making it a challenge to take the boys places where they could: (a) have fun, (b) run around and burn off enough energy to drop into bed by 8:00pm, not to awaken until the next morning, and (c) not shrivel up to the size of a raisin from dehydration.

I woke one morning and was running through my head what I could do with the kids. We were on Day 17 of humidex advisories and the park was about as appealing as driving a nail through my forehead. The splash pad was out of the question simply because they don't like to get splashed. They will, in fact, complain if they happen to get "splashed" at the "splash pad" and since they haven't learned irony or sarcasm (are these kids really mine?), they don't quite appreicate my witty response to their dilemna. Hmmmph!

Why I ever thought the lemonade stand would be a good idea I'll never know. Take this opportunity to learn from my lesson. Lemonade stand with one boy, age 5 - good. Lemonade stand with two boys, age 5 and 2-1/2 - bad.

The three of us sit down at the kitchen table and start making signs which takes up 45 minutes (hooray!). Yeah, yeah, I know - I'm supposed to be enjoying this time with my kids. Yadda yadda. I'm on my sixth summer with tow boys whose idea of fun is farting on each other. Go ask any mother and she'll tell you that summer is all about wasting time and 45 minutes is a big chunk-o-time wasted. Score one for Mummy!

We get the table set up outside, tape on the signs, get out the charis, cups, lemonade and bowl of change. Within two minutes, things start to go downhill. A steep hill. With a slalom course. And me crashing into all the flags. It's 35 degrees with the humidity and very windy - sort of like selling lemonade in a furnace or, perhaps, hell. Which, I think, is actually where I am. This is hell. Hell is a lemonade stand with two boys in 35 degree weather. Anyway - back to the stand.

Liams' hat keeps blowing off and both of them are drinking all the lemonade. To stop the lemonade drinking, I offer them their very own bottled water! (note the exclamation point as I try to make the bottled water sound as exciting as possible). They aren't buying it. One car stops and buys some lemonade - even overpaying because it's for charity. Adam is ecstatic, Liam could care less - he's pissed off that he can't have any more lemonade and has proceeded to dump his bottled water all over the ground and crush it with his foot. Even though there is a water ban where we live, I send Liam to the backyard to fill up the small swimming pool Some people will think this is wrong but if the Water People knew Liam, they would indeed understand the urgency of the situation and agree it was the right thing to do.

Liam runs off happy as a clam and starts filling the pool. Adam is happily selling lemonade to our neighbours and everything is running smoothly. I love my life! I'm such a great mother! I should have some sort of award for being such a great mother! I'm going to write a book on good mothering. I'll be on Oprah! I'll -

Oh crap. At some point during my Oprah fantasy, Liam finished filling the pool and spotted the bowl of change. I watch in horror as he runs over to the table and grabs it. Adam FREAKS out and tries to grab the bowl of change
back while yelling "LIAM - THAT'S MINE!". Liam retaliates by pulling harder and screaming "IT'S MINE TOOPID ADAM". This would be the point where the bowl of change containing over $12.00 including 85 pennies goes flying into the air.

Which brings me back to my yearning for the good old days when Valium was handed out like candy.

Happy Summer Vacation!

Note: The author would like you to know that she has had many a successful outings with her two boys and she does actually enjoy spending time with them in the summer, even when they are farting on her.

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